The Top Ten Tweets that are Absolutely, Definitely Not Bryan Colangelo’s

Photo: James Lang, USA TODAY Sports

So as we are all very well aware by now, the 76ers find themselves caught in the middle of the weirdest storyline of the entire NBA season. In a season that included a player throwing a bowl of tortilla soup at a coach and another playing a game while wearing an ankle bracelet under house arrest, the Sixers manage to top the list.

In a recent piece by the Ringer, sources claim Sixers President and GM Bryan Colangelo to be the owner of five burner Twitter accounts (@phila1234567, @AlVic40117560, @Honesta34197118, @Enoughunkownso1, @s_bonhams) which were used to criticize members of the team, coaching staff, and former members of management and also release confidential team information. While Colangelo did admit to owning the handle @phila1234567, he denied owning the other four.

Several other members of the Colangelo family have been connected to the burner accounts, including Uncle Jerry, but the one who seems to have the most fingers pointed at them is Colagelo’s wife, Barbara Bottini. While it’s impossible to confirm or deny whether or not Colangelo or his wife are the owner of these burner accounts, one thing is clear, there’s absolutely no way Bryan Colangelo is the owner of these burner accounts. I mean, there’s just no way someone could be so tremendously stupid and petty to do what all the evidence says Bryan Colangelo did, but he says he didn’t. So naturally, there’s just no way humanly possible these burners could belong to Bryan.

With all that said, here are the top ten tweets from all of not Bryan Colangelo’s burner accounts:

#10. Not Bryan would rather have Porzingis than Embiid

Photo courtesy of the Ringer

Im as big a fan of the Unicorn as the next guy, and hate his agent’s guts more than the next guy, but I’d much rather have Embiid than KP. I understand where not Bryan is coming from, but he’s just wrong. Also, seeing the name “Embiid” and the word “trade” in the same sentence would be concerning if Bryan Colangelo had said it, but thankfully we all know he didn’t, so it’s cool.

#9. Just your casual tweet by a non-NBA GM revealing intimate player-team relations

Photo courtesy of the Ringer

I miss you Nerlans. Not Bryan doesn’t know what they’re talking about, Nerlans Noel is an angel and everyone else was wrong in this situation. Also, why does someone who isn’t Bryan Colangelo know some much behind the scenes information about Nerlans?

#8. Not Bryan knows why Jahlil Okafor actually wasn’t traded to the Pelicans and he’s definitely not Bryan Colangelo

Photo courtesy of the Ringer

An NBA GM flaunting confidential information in the face of the media is a pretty stupid thing to do. But let me remind you again, these tweets aren’t Bryan Colangelo’s. If they were his, he’d be the dumbest person in basketball, but they’re not, so he’s still just regular ol’ not dumb Bryan Colangelo.

#7. Not Bryan is probably a Cowboys fan

Photo courtesy of the Ringer

Joel Embiid played a bad game and not Bryan BLAMED IT ON THE EAGLES WINNING THE SUPER BOWL!! He may not be Bryan Colangelo, but he’s still an impressively large douche bag.

#6. Ben > Joel

Photo courtesy of the Ringer

Thank God this isn’t Bryan Colangelo because if it was, and he was taking sides in a nonexistent debate between Ben Simmons VS Joel Embiid, that’d be VERY bad. But it isn’t, so we definitely don’t have anything to worry about.

#5. Joel just doesn’t focus on basketball like Ben does, according to Not Bryan

Photo courtesy of the Ringer

It’s worth noting, hours after the Ringer piece was released, news broke that Ben Simmons was dating Kendall Jenner after breaking up with Tinashe. But yeah, not at all distracted by models.

#4. WICKED WICKED WICKED

Photo courtesy of the Ringer

I don’t care if he got hurt. I don’t care if they didn’t make the playoffs in a pointless season. I don’t care that this might’ve lost him rookie of the year. Joel Embiid’s look of child-like joy while dancing to Wicked by Future is one of the most pure things ever. So, shut up, not Bryan.

#3. Sam Hinkie died for our sins and Not Bryan is butt hurt

Photo courtesy of the Ringer

Not Bryan thinks Hinkie brought in Robert Covington and TJ McConnell to help the Sixers lose. Covington is a first team All-NBA defender and TJ is one of the best sixth men in the NBA. Real Bryan took Andrea Bargain with the first pick in the draft. There’s a reason we like Sam more.