Have you ever been invited to a party and told the host you weren’t going to go from the start and they were cool about it at first, but then as the date of the party got closer and they realized how few people were actually going, they got made at you about it and tried to make you seem like the asshole in the situation, then eventually decided just to cancel the whole thing because they were embarrassed?
Well that’s exactly what happened with Donald Trump and then Philadelphia Eagles.
When the Eagles won the Super Bowl (Yes, for those of you who forgot, the Philadelphia Eagles won Super Bowl 52 41-33 over the New England Patriots) they earned themselves a one-day visit to the White House and a chance to meet the president. Unfortunately, our Commander-in-Queef got cold feet the day before the Eagles were suppose to do Washington and decided to cancel the entire event.
According to a White House press release, and tweets from the president himself, Donald Trump canceled the Eagles’ Super Bowl celebration because they disagreed with the league’s new national anthem policy. In place of the Eagles’ celebration, President Trump decided, since they have the space reserved, they might as well have a little celebration for the troops and show those world champions what patriotism really looks like. Now, all this might sound like a big circle jerk for Trump and all his cronies, but thats only because it was.
The troops are great and all, but they had nothing to do with Donald Trump canceling the Eagles White House visit. He just wanted to get ahead of the story before it happened. The story in this case being the fact that only one member of the Super Bowl champions were going to attend their own celebration because the rest of the team hates the president so much. Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is, it would’ve just given Trump more personal time with Super Bowl MVP, and Philadelphia’s favorite penis, Nick Foles. Sounds like a great way to spend a Tuesday.
The best part of all this is the fact that people tried to blame the event’s cancelation on the Eagles due to players kneeling during the national anthem, when in actuality, NOT A SINGLE EAGLE KNELT DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM THROUGH ALL OF LAST PRESEASON, REGULAR SEASON, AND POST SEASON. This just goes to show that whole ordeal of canceling the Eagles’ celebration is just another excuse for Donald Trump to flaunt his vanity and make sure the NFL is nice and comfortable under his thumb. The Eagles have the most charitable players in the NFL and I’m proud to call myself a fan. If you don’t think they’re patriots, that’s fine because the Patriots lost the Super Bowl.
Also, it’s cool that we now know our dumb, turd-lipped fart of a president doesn’t know the words to “God Bless America.”
Snowballs & Batteries 